I have a lucky charm I always keep in front of my home-office desk. It’s a little bead dog that I call Ursula. She’s been with me for 3 years now. She was a gift from a co-worker, a cellphone chain, actually. It’s not so much a lucky charm as a cute token I can always look at to remind me of the times I was a somewhat happy corporate rat.
There was a time that I was good friends with this person. I don’t really know her that much but just through the web. Anyway, I’ve seen her a few times in person and have spent time with her and other friends. There was no bad blood between us but I grew tired of talking to her. You know why?
All she did was ask about things and would go back to being quiet. She would emerge once again to ask about something and then would retreat to being quiet. It became a cycle and I grew tired of it.
Can you blame me for feeling used and bailing out on her?
She became my friend in first year college. There were tough times but since we were kindred spirits, our friendship sustained college more than anything else. I remember her being so generous when she knew I had nothing to spare. I remember her being so down-to-earth, never boasting about her status in life, never making me feel like I was lower in social status. We reviewed for the board exams together and we shared so many things back then, even sharing food when we were short of our allowances. She was like a sister to me, I was probably closer to her than my real sisters back then.
We were supposed to work for the same auditing firm. But I got accepted in the accounting side (BPO) while she was in the waiting list. Instead of waiting for a call from the firm, she opted to work for a family friend’s business.
I was so envious of her that time because whenever I talk to her, I felt like she was having fun while I was being harassed by my bosses and the clients I was handling. Not to mention the salary I was earning was really small compared to her. I remember crying so bad one morning while she was talking to me and because she knew I was so depressed that day, she kept on calling to check on me. For that alone, she will forever hold a special place in my heart. Even my sisters would not do that to me.
So after half a year of enduring the firm, she asked me if I wanted to work for the same company she’s working for, the sister company being a trading firm was looking for an accountant. I went for an interview, it was just a formality because I was highly recommended by her. I was offered a job the same day I was interviewed and I accepted. We were laughing and crying after that interview. That same day, I tendered my immediate resignation at the firm.
We worked for almost a year. She was the personal assistant cum accountant of the owner. I was the one-woman accountant of the trading firm. It was a lot of fun. But then, like all good things, it came to an end. That was a pretty rough patch of my life. Something bad happened in the company and I had to resign. The trust that we shared was broken because of it.
I was so ashamed of letting her down that I did not answer her calls. I can still remember her voice, almost crying that night, while asking me if I want her to come and get me. I was being harassed by my boss back then. I was crying so hard I told her that it’s okay. But we were like sisters crying on the phone. That’s the last time I talked to her.
She talked to my mom one more time, asking about me, if I was okay. But after that, she stopped calling. I couldn’t blame her.
They say things happen for a reason and maybe, she came into my life to make me feel what a real sister is like. I am crying while writing this post. It was 7 years now. I know I should let go of the regrets I have in my heart. But this regret will forever be here.
I miss my sister. I wish she can read this now.
There is something about the smell of freshly brewed coffee. It reminds me of the time when I was young and all I had to worry about was waking up on time so I would not miss the school service. I remember my grandaunt, we call her Tita Luming. When my brother was sick and was always in and out of the hospital, my parents would sleep there. My siblings and I were left in the house with our Tita Luming. You know how kids are, when you wake them in the morning, no matter how long they have been sleeping, chances are they will continue sleeping or complain loudly about being woken up. That was how we were kids. We were just blessed that our Tita Luming was and still is a patient woman. She really made sure we all went to school bathed and well-fed.
I wish all kids who have busy parents (or like mine who were occupied with taking care of a very sick son) have someone like our Tita Luming who’s patient enough and loving enough to take care of the 5 of us.
When I was in grade school, specifically in 6th grade, I became fast friends with one of the year’s bullies. We became really close and in high school, we became the best of friends.
One of the reasons why we stuck to each other was that her fights were my fights, too. And vice versa. We were fiercely protective of each other that even when there’s no rational decision to became enemies with someone, we did it because one of us decided to. It was a friendship born out of necessity. A school is a big playground where you are either a bully or the one being bullied. You have to choose one or the other. We chose the former and that became the root of our friendship.
No wonder it was volatile and wasn’t meant to last.
When I was a kid, life was simpler. Every little problem could be solved with a kiss or a hug from my mom. I could get hurt but with my mom’s loving touch, the hurt goes away just like that. And my world was small yet my playground was wide. My mom was my world and the world was my playground.
And then I grew up.
Things are now complicated. Mom’s not here anymore to soothe away the hurt and pain. Mom’s not here to kiss or hug the problems away. My world became smaller and the world’s no longer a playground.
How I long to go back to those days when I was still a kid and life was so much more normal and simple…
